“That girl smiled at me.”
“Good. Maybe she has a crush on you now.”
“She would never cheat on you,” Jessica exclaimed.
“Cheating would require dating. We’re not dating,” I plainly stated.
“She can’t cheat on her crush! The fantasy of you is very real.”
“I’m not ever sure what to say,” I replied with my annoyance clearly visible. “I mean I work in a gentleman’s barbershop for crying out loud. I think that alone would make me obviously not interested.”
“Well you got no ring on your finger. I’d say you’re available!” Jessica smirked.
A few thoughts sifted through my head coated with feelings of unease and annoyance.
“I need this to go away. Now. Everytime I walk by, I can feel her eyes on me. I’m trying to act normal like I haven’t noticed, but I’m way too aware.”
“You should just ask her out,” Jessica quipped.
“No, because then she’ll say yes.”
“And then you’ll have a girlfriend.”
“You’re not helping.”
“Wait, I’m supposed to be helping?”
“You’re my friend and I’m complaining about a very real problem. Yes, you’re supposed to be helping.”
“You just need to give her a reason not to like you. Pick your nose and then eat it in front of her.”
“Maybe I should explain the definition of helping…”
“Fine, fine. If you’re not willing to gross the crush out of her, then you need something else.”
“Yes, something else.”
We both stood in silence. Jessica might’ve been thinking, but I was just anxiously waiting.
“So what’s the something else, Jess?”
“Um, you should flirt with a ton of different guys in front of her.”
“A ton might be a bit more than I’m capable of. I’m an attractive female but not enough to attract that many. If I flirt with one or two, that might do the trick.”
Jessica started laughing.
“What?” I said dryly.
“I think her affections towards you could overcome the most forthcoming of flirtations.”
“I think we’re done now. It’s been noted that you are bad with advice for unrequited love.”
“It’s not your unrequited love, so it’s fine. We’re still best buddies!” Jessica finished it off with a cheeky grin.